Hamish and Kate Read online

  Success had not been factored into Euan’s plans for Kate.

  Chapter 26

  By the third week of May, Kate had finished her degree. Her flight home to the USA was booked. She would leave New Zealand within weeks.

  ‘We’ve got time for one more trip. Do you want to go?’ Kate asked.

  ‘Not really,’ Euan said.

  ‘Don’t be a grump,’ she said and tickled him like he was a child. ‘Let’s go skiing. Come on Kiwi. I’ll go on my own if you don’t come.’

  Euan tried hard to not be morose for that last trip together. He forced conversation on their car trip to the snow fields. He was excessively polite to the other people staying in the University’s lodge. His smile was strained, it made him look idiotic, when he politely responded in the positive that he was “that guy with the other guy who plays Bach”, or “that guy in that band with that song”.

  Every minute the thought of Kate’s departure hit him like a blow to the head.

  Thursday had not been a great day for skiing, the morning had been clear but by lunchtime the wind and cloud had increased and it had begun to snow heavily. They had returned to the lodge early in the afternoon. As the sun began to set, there was a break in the clouds and the winds subsided. Euan suggested they go for a walk in the fresh snow.

  They waded and pushed through the drifts of snow to a place where there was an unobscured view over the flat green farm lands below and in the distance they could see the isolated volcano that Euan had dubbed the Lonely Mountain.

  Euan put his arm over Kate’s shoulder and she put an arm loosely around his waist. They stood silently watching the green colour fade from the fields below. Euan, surreptitiously, moved one of his legs behind Kate.

  He put his lips to Kate’s hair and softly said, ‘I love you, Kate.’

  Using the arm that was not around her shoulder, he push her, and with the leg he had placed behind her, he tripped her, and she toppled into the deep snow. She tried to hold onto Euan’s waist but he twisted and her hand grasped at nothing.

  ‘Euan!’ she exclaimed as she fell with a silent splash.

  Euan whistled, nonchalantly. He twisted his head quickly, twice, as if he had lost sight of Kate and had, surprisingly, discovered her in the snow.

  ‘Dr. Kate?’ he said with comic animation.

  He held out his hand to her, she took it and tried to pull him down to her but he had anticipated that and quickly let her go so she fell back into the snow.

  ‘You idiot,’ she said and then laughed when she realised how angry she sounded.

  Euan helped her to her feet and held onto her.

  ‘I do,’ he said quietly.

  Kate thought he looked like a frightened, although cute, teddybear.

  ‘I know,’ she said.

  Chapter 27

  Some of Euan’s airport farewells were so difficult they left scars. The two worst farewells involved Kate. She was present for one of them.

  He drove Kate to the airport but could not remember any of the trip after they had arrived. That worried him. He frowned as if he was angry at her but he was angry with himself. He was numb like he had not slept for many nights, nothing he saw, did or touched was real. His remembered distress over the absent Clare was as if nothing compared to the pain of immanent separation from Kate.

  She stood at the check-in counter as he waited nearby and watched her. He could not believe a woman like her had ever, willingly, let him touch her, be with her, live with her, love her. It was one of his childish dreams. It was real-like and it was prolonged but it was impossible. He expected her face to be indistinct and unknowable, as she turned and diffidently smiled at him as she waited for her seat allocation.

  The approaching moment of her final departure was the only tangible thing in his life. It’s power to destroy and consume him battered at his numb defence. His face was slack. It registered resignation, that the end of his life was unavoidable, permanent, inescapable and minutes away.

  They didn’t say a word at the entry to the customs hall. They stood for a moment and Euan gently touched her hand but did not hold it. She looked at his face, for a second he saw hesitation, and then she was gone. The last he saw of her was her back as she turned the corner. She did not linger, she did not look.

  Euan returned to his office. The silence was consuming. He hunched over his desk, unable to work. He felt a prolonged touch on his shoulder and he looked up at Liam’s face. He was also distraught as if Euan’s sorrow was contagious.

  Euan spoke a single, soft word. His determination made him feel better immediately. His life partially returned to him as he made a decision. If it had been possible, he would have smiled.

  ‘No,’ Euan said.

  Part 3

  Chapter 1

  A Polaroid picture exists that Euan remembers holding in his hand as the paper surface slowly transformed into an image of Kate. He remembers the ghostly inference that he had stolen Kate and placed her essence on paper, as he lifted his head wondering if the real Kate had been extinguished. The image in his hand was not a token of memory, it existed as a part of the moment it was recording as Euan held the image up and compared the real and frozen Kate.

  He regretted the loss of that moment already, wishing somehow that he could be frozen into that perfect image. The past was perfect but it was gone, although it was seconds old.

  Euan does not possess that picture but his memory of that moment and that image remains clear and indelible forty years later.

  Chapter 2

  There was an airport farewell at Heathrow. One of many. One was with Euan leaving and a distraught and angry Michael not saying much but making clear his wish for an aborted departure.

  Euan was running away.

  Michael waited while Euan checked his luggage. He had refused Euan’s offer to leave so that the departure would be unobserved. Euan returned to Michael’s side after his bags had been accepted and quickly walked on passed him, towards the customs area. His head was down, he was ashamedly averting his gaze, his eyes surreptitiously flicking to see if Michael followed him. He did.

  Michael quickly caught up to Euan.

  ‘You’re a fucking prick,’ Michael said as he walked beside Euan. ‘You know that, don’t you?’

  ‘Yes,’ Euan said as he lifted his head. He searched for the entry to the customs area where he would be safe, and alone.

  They reached the point where Michael could go no further. Euan stopped, unwilling to continue, as if no irrevocable decision had been made until that moment. He wanted to explain to Michael, he wanted his approval but he could think of nothing to say.

  ‘You’ve planned all this, haven’t you,’ Michael said.

  ‘Yes,’ Euan said. ‘I’m sorry.’

  They stared self-consciously at each other, like they were separating lovers.

  ‘I don’t hate you, mate,’ Michael said. ‘You’re just a prick, that’s all.’

  Euan smiled.

  ‘What have you told Helen?’ Michael asked.

  ‘I haven’t.’

  ‘You shit,’ Michael became angry again.

  ‘I did tell her I’m leaving,’ Euan said.

  Michael shook his head, but his anger was gone.

  ‘I don’t understand,’ Michael said. ‘We’re this close.’ He held his thumb and first finger a centimetre apart. ‘And you’re pissing off after all the hard work’s done.’

  Euan slowly backed away from Michael. ‘I’m going,’ he said as his farewell.

  ‘I hope she’s worth it,’ Michael said.

  ‘She is,’ Euan said.

  Chapter 3

  Euan arrived at Logan Airport. No-one greeted him, no-one knew he was there. He hired a car, one advantage of having a small financial excess from moderate success, for the sixty mile journey to Falmouth. He bought a map and drove out from the airport wondering which way was south.

  Euan lost his way when he missed a sign-posted turnoff on the freeway. He had seen t
he sign, had intended to take action but at the last minute had doubted himself when the freeway exit was on the right hand side. He was expecting the normal, for New Zealand, freeway exit on the left side. As he sailed passed his turn off he panicked when he understood his error. He pulled over and tried to re-configure his route, using the map he had laid out on the passenger seat in lieu of a travelling companion.

  After finding a directional remedy to his mistake he decided to get out of the car to experience the New England landscape. It looked beautiful from inside the car, there was a stark contrast between leafless trees and white snow. Close to the edge of the freeway the snow was dirtier and piled high, discarded by the freeway snowplow trucks. He remembered his first experience of snow with Clare and wanted to stand in the expanse of white that had been the panorama for his journey from the airport. The snow seemed to go on forever. He wondered if the snow consistency was somehow different when it was everywhere as opposed to settling on the summits of mountains. He remembered Clare’s warning, or was it Kate?, he wondered and the confusion in women worried him, that snow would become boring when he lived among it day after day. She had said that it was a nuisance instead of a means of pleasure. He couldn’t believe that would happen, it was too wondrous a substance.

  He opened the car door and stepped out and was immediately pained with the intense cold. The sky was cloudless but there was a strong wind blowing and Euan felt as if he had fallen into a refrigerator. His skin ached with the low temperature and wind chill. He walked around the car, as a private show of bravado to, at least, not immediately give up his intention. He quickly jumped back in the car, grateful for the warmth from the heater. He better understood the warning a little. He could die if he stayed out in that chill. He drove off warily, hoping the hire car company had done their recent servicing.

  He reached Falmouth before he had to refer to his map again. The accommodation he had pre-arranged was, he saw on the map, on a road just off Main Street. He cruised slowly along looking at house numbers and then pulled into a long, snow-covered driveway. Severe trees, silhouettes marked by lines of recent snow on their upper sides, heralded his entrance.

  Euan sighed with the relief of arrival and whispered ‘Yes,’ in triumph, as if an arduous undertaking had been successfully completed. The driveway turned at a right angle where it ended in a small parking area for four cars. Euan looked to his left, to his destination, and turned the wheel as he braked to slow down. As if in a dream he watched the parked cars remain in their relative position as he continued in a straight line. He turned the steering wheel harder and depressed the brakes further. He had the wheel at full lock and was standing as hard as he could on the brake pedal when, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a group of letterboxes approaching him from straight ahead. Quietly and gently his car slid on as the letterboxes were decapitated from their wooden stands. They clattered over the front of the car, over the roof and then fell into Euan’s wake. The car came to stop, without hitting anything else, in an expanse of snow that would have been lawn in warm weather.

  Euan sat in the stationary car, still gripping the wheel and pressing hard on the brakes, not comprehending what had happened. The first sound he heard, which convinced him his accident was real, was laughter and a knocking on his side window.

  ‘Goddamn,’ said a good humoured male Texan voice as Euan wound down his window. ‘You made a meal of that.’ Euan heard more laughter.

  The laughing man lowered his head to peer inside the car.

  ‘I’m sorry. I’m really sorry about that,’ Euan said, wondering if the man was the property owner but he did not look old enough and was not upset. Perhaps a son, Euan thought.

  ‘Are you from England, are you?’ the man said when he heard Euan speak. ‘Don’t they teach you to drive over there?’ The man held out his hand for Euan to shake through the window. ‘Steve,’ he said before he laughed out loud again.

  ‘Euan,’ he said as he took the man’s hand. ‘No,’ Euan said in answer to the question. ‘New Zealand.’

  Steve looked quizzically at Euan, who wondered if Steve knew where or what a New Zealand was.

  ‘Goddamn,’ Steve repeated as he looked over the damage Euan had caused. ‘She won’t be happy about that. But, it’s a goddamn place to put those letterboxes. Everyone has nearly done what you’ve done.’

  ‘She?’ Euan asked after he had got out of the car and stood next to Steve surveying the dead letterboxes.

  A door slammed shut nearby and there was the sound of female voices.

  Steve laughed softly. ‘Her,’ he said as he looked towards two approaching women.

  The lady that had come from the direction of the closing door sound, the large central house on the block, was in her sixties and large. She had been joined by another woman, older still and thin faced, who had come from one of four cabins on the far side of the car parking area Euan had failed to enter.

  Euan heard New England accents.

  ‘What is it Edith?’

  ‘I don’t know Joan.’

  Steve spoke in a whisper. ‘Edith is the landlady. The large one. Joan is her friend.’

  Euan and Steve stood, almost at attention, waiting as if they were partners in a crime and the older ladies were to be the source of their punishment.

  ‘Is this a friend of yours, Steve?’ Edith frowned as she looked to Steve to accept responsibility.

  Steve shook his head. ‘No.’

  ‘Oh, Edith,’ Joan exclaimed. ‘The letterboxes have been completely destroyed. What will we do?’

  Euan heard the exaggeration in her voice, the pleasure in another’s troubles.

  Joan quickly answered her own question. ‘You’ll have to get Joe out here in the morning. If not before.’ Joan spoke sternly to her friend as if lecturing Edith on the evils of tardiness.

  ‘Oh, dear,’ Edith said under breath. Her hand covered her mouth and she shook her head from side to side as she surveyed the trail of damage.

  Edith removed her hand. ‘Then who are you, young man?’ she said.

  ‘I’m so sorry about the damage. I’ll pay to fix it,’ Euan said. ‘I’ve never driven in snow before.’ He tried to explain his incompetence.

  Edith smiled when she heard Euan speak. ‘Oh,’ she was quite excited. ‘You must be our New Zealand friend. I thought you were coming tomorrow.’

  ‘No. Sorry. Today.’ Euan said.

  Joan frowned, upset that the young man may be getting off easily.

  ‘That won’t help with the mail, young man,’ Joan said sternly, her face drawn tightly. ‘I can’t stand the way young people have no understanding of the damage they cause by irresponsible behaviour. There is no excuse. You just don’t think about the consequences.’

  ‘It’s all right Joan,’ Edith said. ‘He’s come such a long way to be with us. He must be very tired.’

  Euan did not contradict her that he had only flown from the UK that day.

  ‘Don’t they teach you to drive all the way down there in New Zealand?’ Edith smiled.

  Euan laughed. ‘That’s what Steve asked. They do, but not on the right side of the road. And we only get snow in the mountains. In the North Island, at least.’

  Joan didn’t believe Euan, she was determined that he should suffer further. ‘I thought that was only in England that they drove on the left side of the road?’ She thought she may have caught him out as a liar. Joan was suspicious of foreign people, not completely believing they were the same species of human outside the USA.

  ‘Lots of places drive on the left,‘ Euan said to Joan and laughed diffidently.

  Joan scowled.

  ‘What about the damage, Edith?’ Joan asked, worried that Edith was smiling and that Euan had laughed. Punishment seemed a remote possibility.

  Edith dismissed her friend’s worries. ‘Oh, we won’t worry about that just now.’ She smiled at Euan. ‘Leave your keys in the car. It’ll be perfectly safe,’ she said. ‘Joe, my husband, will park it fo
r you a bit later on. Do have any luggage?’

  Euan nodded.

  ‘Well, Steve will help you get it out,’ Edith said. ‘Won’t you Steve? I’ll go and get your key and we can settle you right in. You’re in the cabin second from the end, right next to Steve. It will be nice having someone your own age nearby. But no loud noises at night, no parties of course. Joan needs her beauty sleep,’ Edith laughed. ‘And I need it even more. As you can see. Anyway, do you know anyone here? I was told you’re going to be working at the Oceanographic Institute. I’ll be back in a second with the key. Steve? Actually. Would you mind just putting his bags on the step. Why don’t you come inside for a cup of coffee. You must need one after your trip. And your little accident.’

  Edith was pleased to have an overseas visitor, she foresaw many opportunities for entertainment. She already considered Euan’s minor accident with the letterboxes in such a light. She had begun to weave a story to be told to friends of the amusing, slightly clumsy New Zealander. She wondered if everyone south of the equator was similar to Euan, pleasantly inept.

  Chapter 4

  Euan began work in the tiny sea-side township of Woods Hole, a few miles drive from Falmouth. He bought a cheap car the day after his accident and for the first few days he drove to work the longer way, following the coastal road around Vineyard Sound. The second morning he drove to work he stopped his car and got out to stand on the shore. The breakwaters along the beach had captured frozen ocean on their leeward sides. He wandered over to the ice, hands in pockets, hooded jacket over his head, and jabbed the ice with his toe not, until then, absolutely convinced that the ocean could freeze.