Hamish and Kate Read online

  Euan hesitated. ‘Clare’s song. I called it Clare’s song, for want of imagination on my part.’

  ‘You’re a bit of a romantic, aren’t you,’ Kate said. ‘A slow one ‘though.’

  ‘It was when you sent Michael over to comfort me. Just after she came back. When I thought I was still in love with her.’

  ‘Aren’t you in love with her?’ Kate said, in a matter-of-fact voice.

  ‘Not how I was. Not how I was last year, at least,’ he said. ‘No, probably not. I guess it’s like what you told me, if you think you’re in love then you’re probably not.’

  ‘You do remember that do you?’

  ‘I remember all your advice, Kate.’ Euan laughed.

  ‘Sometimes I wonder.’

  Kate stayed until it was late.

  ‘I should go,’ Kate said. She did not move from where she sat. Euan could hear her reluctance.

  ‘You don’t have to, if you don’t want to,’ Euan said quietly.

  Kate was unwilling to accept Euan’s offer but, also, did not want to leave.

  ‘I don’t want to fuck you, Kate,’ Euan said quickly. ‘If you don’t want to go home, you can stay.’ He quietly added, ‘I’d like you to stay.’

  ‘Thank you, Kiwi,’ she said softly. ‘That’s how I feel too.’

  They spent the night, partly clothed, under a quilt, sleeping together on Euan’s bed.

  Chapter 20

  ‘Where did you go last night?‘ Clare asked. ‘I was worried when you didn’t come home.’

  It was mid-morning when Kate walked into the house she shared with Clare. She had not slept well lying next to Euan, and she was tired and dishevelled. She had hoped to avoid Clare.

  ‘I didn’t want to be alone last night,’ she said.

  ‘You should have told me,’ Clare said. ‘I wouldn’t have gone to work.’

  ‘Well, you’d gone before I realised,’ Kate gave a nervous laugh.

  ‘So, where did you go?’ Clare asked warily. She did not know if she wanted the answer.

  Kate was too tired to construct a plausible lie. ‘I stayed at Euan’s. I listened to him practice. He cooked me dinner. He kept me company,’ Kate said. ‘Nothing happened,’ she added quickly.

  Clare watched Kate as if she was searching for the hiding place of Kate’s lie.

  ‘Where did you sleep?’ Clare asked. She laughed nervously. ‘There’s nowhere unless you sleep on the bed. Did he sleep on the floor? I can’t imagine him sleeping in one of those chairs of his.’

  ‘No, he didn’t sleep on the floor,’ Kate said quietly, as if hoping Clare could not hear the answer.

  ‘Right,’ Clare said, wondering if she should get angry.

  ‘Nothing happened, Clare,’ Kate repeated. ‘We slept in the same bed, but it was like a sleep-over. Like we were kids.’

  ‘But you’re not are you,’ Clare said.

  Kate didn’t reply.

  ‘Did you have to fend him off?’ Clare asked.

  ‘No, of course not. He’s not like that, you should know.’

  ‘I thought I did. But, I just can’t imagine him lying next to you and not trying something.’

  ‘He didn’t. He let me stay, on the condition that nothing happened.’

  Clare tried to hide her smile and it ended up looking like a smirk. She did not believe Kate. She thought she had, probably, tried to replace Hamish with Euan and had been rebuffed. Clare would confirm the evening by grilling Euan but, in the meantime, she was proud, and a little surprised, at Euan’s behaviour. Clare liked Kate less and felt a little superior.

  Chapter 21

  The three of them, Euan, Clare and Kate, went skiing together a few further times after Hamish’s departure. However, they were difficult trips. Euan preferred Kate’s company, Clare was distrustful when Kate was with Euan and Kate was reserved, worried to be her normal self around Euan and Clare. Their skiing trips became sporadic and Clare stayed with Euan or spent longer hours at work. She did not want to be alone with Kate.

  Euan attempted to avoid Clare. He stayed away from his own home as much as possible by working late, by rehearsing at Michael’s home and, also, by sitting around the rehearsal studios where Michael’s band practised. Euan listened and offered suggestions to arrangements that were, surprisingly often, accepted and acted upon. By his persistent presence, he became a sixth, non-playing, member of Michael’s band.

  Michael included Euan in the band’s performances. Mid-way through a rock concert, with the loud music playing frenetically, Euan would walk onto the stage carrying his classical guitar. He would wear his shocked face, the same look he cultivated for the beginning of the classical guitar duo concerts. Euan would wander across the stage to Michael and gesticulate as if arguing that Euan had been tricked and had come to the wrong venue and time.

  After the success of their Concert Hall performance, Michael and Euan had appeared on television many times and, even to a rock concert audience, Euan’s face was well known. The crowd would roar their approval as Euan wandered onto the stage like he was a much loved actor walking-on to a sitcom television program.

  After Euan had tried to unsuccessfully gain Michael’s attention, he would sit on a hard backed chair and pointedly, comically, attempt to tune his guitar. After a short while, when the loud music stopped, Michael joined Euan and they performed a few short pieces from the Bach Lute Suites.

  The procedure was, mostly, a way for Michael to display his musical talents but Euan was pleased to be included.

  ‘I’ve got a present for you,’ Michael announced one day at the band’s rehearsal. The other band members knew what was coming and smirked. ‘While we all love you and your classical guitar, it doesn’t fit with being in a rock band,’ he said. He swivelled in his seat and reached down to something hidden behind him. ‘So, I’ve got this for you.’

  Michael lifted, over his head and onto the floor in front of him, a thin, rectangular, black guitar case with gold lettering on it announcing the manufacturer’s name.

  Euan stared at it and wondered what Michael meant.

  ‘Go on,’ Michael said when Euan didn’t move. ‘Open it.’

  Euan slid the locks open. The inside of the case was covered in soft, deep red, plush, velvet-like fabric and resting on that exaggerated material was an electric guitar. The body was a sunburst coloured, elongated and asymmetrically skewed shape. The fret board was a beautiful, jet black wood and the fittings were gold plated. It was the weirdest guitar Euan had ever seen, he loved it immediately.

  ‘It’s for you,’ Michael said as Euan stared at the contents of the guitar case. ‘Do you like it?’

  ‘It’s beautiful,’ Euan said. ‘I can’t accept it ‘though. It’s too much.’

  Michael, unusually, displayed his joy by smiling at Euan. ‘You can pay me back with your profits from the band. It’s a new model, wide fret board, good for cross over classical guitarists,’ Michael said. ‘Go on, pick it up. It won’t play itself.’

  Euan picked up the guitar, with difficulty as it was much heavier than his classical guitar, and the other band members ostentatiously clapped as Euan picked a few, thin, unamplified, notes. Euan smiled and gave a little mock bow.

  ‘Thanks guys,’ Euan said.

  Euan played with the band but not as a pivotal member. He had extended periods of inactivity on stage which let him listen to the music he was a part of creating. He enjoyed that as much, if not more than when he was busy playing his electric guitar. He played to audiences of thousands and was never nervous. He would stand on stage and search out the one special face. She would be near the front of the crowd or she would be off stage watching his performance.

  Kate was always there.

  Chapter 22

  Clare announced, ‘I’m going home.’ It was November.

  Euan was silent.

  ‘I can only assume that doesn’t distress you?’ she asked.

  Euan gave a short ironical laugh. ‘Not as much as last year. T
hat’s for certain. It’s sort of expected, isn’t it? I know you’ve just about finished.’

  ‘So, you’re not sorry that I’m going? Not at all?’ She was combative.

  Euan was angry. ‘Of course I am. But, just remember that you were the one who left me, Clare. For some guy you didn’t even know. How could you expect things to be the same after that?’

  ‘I thought it was getting close,’ Clare said. She was no longer argumentative.

  ‘Maybe for you.’

  ‘I know how you feel about Kate,’ she said abruptly, changing her attack.

  Euan shrugged. He didn’t care anymore.

  ‘Have you ever fucked her?’ Clare asked. Her eyes were dark.

  ‘Yes.’

  Clare became angry. ‘That night after Hamish left?’

  ‘No. Nothing happened that night. I told you that.’

  ‘What do you mean? You fucked her recently? Or did you fuck her when Hamish was around?’

  ‘Yes,’ Euan returned her dark eyes.

  ‘When?’

  ‘What does it matter?’ Euan said angrily. ‘We fucked. Once. It had nothing to do with you.’

  ‘So,’ she said. She was again sad. ‘That’s it, I guess?’

  ‘Yes, probably.’

  Chapter 23

  For one airport farewell, Euan was absent. He tried to work in his office. He glanced at the analogue wall clock until the time was close and then stared as the second hand swept towards the twelve. He didn’t know exactly when Clare’s flight would leave, but once the second hand passed through twelve, and her flight’s departure time passed, she was gone for Euan.

  Kate had taken Clare to the airport, in Hamish’s old car, although the women had barely spoken for Clare’s last weeks in New Zealand.

  Euan was both relieved and sad. Any ending can be melancholy, even ones that reduce complexity. He left work earlier than usual and went home. He picked up his classical guitar and sat down on the bed with it. He did not play, he wanted the reassurance and familiarity of holding something dear to him. He rested his chest against the hard-edged guitar body and draped his arms over it, fitting himself to the curves of the instrument.

  He swung his feet onto the bed and shuffled his body back and across until his back rested against the headboard of the bed. He cradled his guitar and stared at nothing. He waited.

  He heard a door open and close. He heard footsteps.

  ‘I’m in here,’ he called out loudly.

  Kate appeared in the doorway. She looked into her bedroom that was to become their shared bedroom.

  ‘She’s gone,’ Kate said.

  Euan nodded but said nothing.

  ‘Are you hungry?’ she asked.

  ‘Do you want me to cook?’ Euan said.

  Kate came into the room and stood next to the bed. She kissed Euan.

  ‘No. I’ll cook the first night,’ she offered.

  Chapter 24

  On a still and warm summer day, when Euan and Kate had no inclination to work, he drove her west from the city to his knoll of kauri trees. He had not told her of that place.

  ‘It’s beautiful up here, Kiwi. How long have you kept this place secret?’ Kate said. They held hands looking over the spread of the city, the suburbs, the volcanoes and the harbour.

  ‘A little while. It’s great isn’t it. I’ve never seen anyone else here,’ Euan said, and marvelled.

  They stood and watched. The silence was as profound as the view.

  ‘He still says he’s waiting for me,’ Kate said.

  Euan was silent.

  Kate brightened up as she gave Euan some news. ‘He got Clare a job in the same department.’

  ‘So,’ Euan said. His face darkened. ‘You’ll all be one big happy family again when you go back? Except for me.’

  Kate ignored Euan’s remark. It was to be true. ‘I think it’s good Clare is there with Hamish,’ she said.

  ‘So they can compare notes?’ Euan said sarcastically.

  ‘I don’t think so. Hamish doesn’t know and Clare only suspected.’

  ‘I told her,’ Euan said.

  Kate withdrew her hand. ‘You what?’

  ‘She asked me directly, Kate. I wasn’t going to lie to her face.’

  ‘What did you tell her?’

  ‘Just that we fucked once. Only once and it was ages ago. When I wasn’t with her.’

  ‘So,’ Kate was angry. ‘You look good and I look bad. Is that how it was told?’

  ‘I didn’t tell anything, Kate. She asked a question, I answered and that was it. It was, ten words, probably less.’

  ‘Kiwi,’ Kate exclaimed angrily. ‘It’s not a physics question.’

  She walked off a little way and stood on her own. Euan stayed put and watched the view as if he was waiting for a sudden movement to erupt from the suburbs.

  ‘I’m sorry Kate,’ Euan called over to her but did not move closer. ‘I did nothing intentionally. There was no premeditation.’

  ‘I know, Kiwi,’ Kate said quietly so that Euan could hardly hear her. He walked over to her. ‘I’ll just have to see what happens,’ she said.

  ‘What does it matter anyway?’ Euan asked. His face frowned. ‘We’re still good, aren’t we? What does Hamish have to do with things? In the long term anyway?’

  Kate’s anger with Euan had dissipated but she remained annoyed.

  ‘This will be my last summer here, Kiwi,’ she said.

  ‘So?’ Euan said. ‘I’m coming with you. As soon as you’ve finished, we’ll go together.’

  Kate’s anger returned and boiled over. She turned on him. ‘Don’t be fucking stupid, Euan.’

  ‘What?’ Euan asked with surprise and took a step back from her.

  ‘What do you mean what?’ she said angrily. ‘You’re not coming with me, that’s what.’

  ‘Why not?‘ Euan said. ‘I am coming.’ He tried to sound determined.

  She stared at him like he was an imbecile. ‘How can you be so smart and so fucking stupid, all at the same time?’

  Euan was silent, he was angry as well.

  ‘I won’t let you come,’ she said. ‘That’s why not. I will not…’ Euan tried to interrupt but Kate put her hand over his mouth. ‘I won’t let you give up finishing your degree. Your music with Michael.’

  ‘That doesn’t matter,’ Euan said after he gently removed her hand from over his mouth. He did not let her hand go. His anger had gone as quickly as it had arrived.

  ‘Of course it does,’ she said.

  ‘I’d get work somewhere.’

  Kate laughed. ‘In the States? No degree? You’re joking. You don’t just queue up where they hand out work visas.’

  ‘And,’ Kate continued. ‘What about Michael? You’d give all that up too? You’d give up everything to sit around and wait for me to come home from work each day?’

  ‘I could do other stuff,’ Euan said lamely.

  ‘It wouldn’t work,’ she said. She lifted his hand and squeezed it. ‘Let’s not ruin these last months.’ She shook his hand a little, as if to wake him out of a reverie.

  ‘Please?’ she asked.

  Chapter 25

  Michael wrote most of the music for the band but he encouraged everyone to contribute. Euan was pestered to add some of his own music but had refused, saying he had nothing but Bach.

  During a break in a rehearsal, Euan, with an absent mind, played the piece of music he had called Clare’s song. Only the singer, Jon, was present who asked Euan if he was playing Bach. Euan laughed, that his music could be mistaken for a masterwork.

  ‘No,’ Euan said. ‘It’s something I wrote, a while ago now. But, thanks for saying that.’

  ‘Play it again, will you?’

  Jon hummed and sang random words, as he worked on a variation to Euan’s melody that was more suitable for voice. He asked Euan to remove one of the variations between the main theme, so that it was no longer a rondo, and repeated the theme, twice more, at the end.

 
Michael came back into the rehearsal room. He was sipping coffee from a plastic cup. Euan and Jon smiled at him like they were conspirators, and had discovered something dangerous, illicit and exciting.

  ‘Listen to this,’ Jon said, and nodded to Euan to begin playing.

  Michael stood, stared and listened.

  When they had finished, only a few minutes later, Jon said, ‘That’s it, Michael. It’s perfect.’

  ‘Where did that come from?’ Michael asked with surprise.

  ‘Euan wrote it,’ Jon said.

  ‘Euan wrote it?’ Michael repeated.

  ‘That’s what he said,’ Euan said to Michael and smiled.

  ‘I think that should be all there is to it,’ Jon said, to pre-empt Michael adding complexity.

  ‘We could add something to it,’ Michael began.

  ‘No, I don’t think so,’ Jon interrupted. ‘It can just be a song. A simple song. Something that could be played on the radio. We’ve never had a piece like that.’

  Michael thought for a minute. ‘Maybe,’ he said. ‘Or, it could go at the end of that piece we started last month. Yes,’ Michael stared pacing around the rehearsal room. ‘That would be awesome. We could make that other piece longer, more discordant and we could finish with Euan’s. Maybe we could make it a bit longer.’

  ‘I don’t think so,’ Jon disagreed. ‘Let’s leave it simple.’

  ‘Simple is boring,’ Michael said.

  ‘Not to people that buy music, it isn’t,’ Jon said. ‘We’ve got hours of stuff. Let’s just see with this one. Let’s leave it alone.’

  ‘Do you mind, Euan, if I write some words for it?’ Jon asked, he was determined to overrule Michael.

  ‘Help yourself,’ Euan said.

  They recorded the song and distributed it to alternative radio stations, who readily included it in their playlists. The song’s popularity gained momentum as more and more people liked it and played it. It made it onto a few of the mainstream radio stations. Once it had done that there was an exponential increase in popularity. The song was everywhere for awhile. International radio picked up on the sensation from New Zealand. Television documentaries licensed its use. It was as if every poignant, serious, noteworthy, momentous and melancholy human moment was better if it was orchestrated with Clare’s song. It became a financial success, as well. It introduced Michael’s band to an international audience and, because of that song, the band outgrew New Zealand.