Hamish and Kate Page 16

  ‘So,’ she said. ‘You think it’s OK that I give up my work? Where I live?’

  ‘You could work in the UK.’

  ‘Euan!’ she exclaimed. ‘You’re not thinking straight. Have you already forgotten the effort it took to get your job here? It would be the same for me. You had contacts and it still took you a year. How could I decide where I want to work?’

  ‘We could figure something out,’ Euan said lamely.

  ‘The world doesn’t allow free travel anymore Euan. You can’t just go anywhere and live.’

  ‘Divorce Hamish then!’ Euan exclaimed suddenly.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Marry me. Problem solved.’ He smiled as if the solution was trivial.

  ‘That’s a drastic step, Euan,’ she said, after moments thought, weighing the possibility. ‘And it’s not an instant solution.’

  ‘I know,’ he said and then smiled broadly. ‘But it is a solution. And a really good one.’

  He felt triumphant.

  Over dinner, Euan talked as if he was already a resumed member of the band. It disturbed Kate that her plan to ensure Euan made the right choice had run out of control. She had been prepared to lose him if he genuinely could not give up his music. She had thought his choice of action would be the sole active constituent. She had not thought through consequences, and was disturbed how quickly the responsibility had become hers. It was like a chess tussle, and he had made an unexpected, sudden move she thought would take ages to consider. The onus and burden had, too quickly, fallen to her.

  One of them would have to make a sacrifice. She had thought it would be Euan if he stayed, and her if he left. However, the new complication was for her to make a sacrifice if they were to stay together.

  The next morning, as she was getting ready for work, Michael rose from bed to say farewell. Euan was to drive them back to Boston later that morning. He encircled Kate in his arms and squeezed her in an affectionate embrace. She surprised him by leaning heavily into him.

  ‘I can see Euan’s problem then,’ he said. ‘With a hug like that every morning, even I would consider giving up music.’

  Kate let Michael go.

  ‘It hasn’t worked out as you thought, has it?’ Michael said.

  ‘No,’ she replied. ‘Not exactly.’

  ‘It’ll be fine, Kate.’

  ‘Will it?’ she said. ‘How?’

  ‘I can see how great you two are. There is no possibility of you not getting very old together.’

  She smiled. ‘Thanks, Michael.’

  They had a short silent moment, neither knowing what else to say.

  ‘I’d better go to work,’ she said. ‘Thanks, anyway,’ she smiled. ‘For doing this.’

  ‘No problem Kate. I’ve been at your beck and call for years.’

  She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

  ‘See you,’ she said.

  ‘In London,’ he said strongly. ‘OK?’

  ‘OK,’ she said and laughed hesitantly. ‘Bye.’

  Chapter 20

  ‘Steve’s coming with me,’ Euan enthusiastically told Kate.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Steve. You know Steve.’

  ‘Of course I do.’

  ‘He’s got leave. He’s coming over to check out life as a rock star,’ Euan laughed self-deprecatingly. ‘For a couple of weeks.’

  Euan was euphoric, he saw the perfect way through the rest of his life with both music and Kate.

  ‘You could still come too you know. For a holiday, until you can organise things here,’ he said. ‘Are you sure you won’t?’

  ‘I can’t Euan. Just asking again doesn’t help.’

  It was a month after Michael and Jon’s visit to Boston and Euan had raced ahead with his plans. He had given notice at work, which was not well received, and had booked a flight.

  ‘I’ll be back for a visit before you know it,’ he said. ‘Less than a month, I promise.’

  Kate nodded her head in agreement but said nothing.

  ‘Have you contacted Hamish? About, you know?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes,’ she said.

  ‘What did he say?’

  ‘I called him. I haven’t told him anything.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Euan,’ she said, exasperated. ‘It’s not something you announce over the telephone.’

  ‘No, I guess not. So, what’s going to happen?’

  ‘He’s coming to Boston.’

  ‘When.’

  ‘Next week.’

  ‘Before or after I leave?’

  ‘After. I thought that was better.’

  ‘Will you be OK? You know, with him.’

  ‘I did marry him Euan. I think I’ll be OK with my husband.’

  ‘Well, he’s not really your husband anymore. Things have changed.’

  ‘You think I don’t know that?’

  Euan enfolded her in a hug. He understood her antagonism, he was leaving her to cope with divorcing Hamish and leaving satisfying work.

  He genuinely believed both of those problems were minor.

  Chapter 21

  Hamish arrived in Boston after Euan’s departure and announced he would be staying all summer, teaching at MIT. Kate did not immediately raise the possibility of divorce. She procrastinated. Euan called Kate every night for the first week of his absence. His enthusiasm swamped Kate’s misgivings. However, while Euan’s telephone calls excited her to action the silent time afterwards stung her with doubt.

  The telephone calls became less frequent after the first week, when the band went on a tour of northern European countries. He wrote to her on the days he could not telephone.

  Steve returned to work from his overseas holiday.

  ‘We had a great time in London,’ Steve told Clare. They were out among a larger group of mutual friends. ‘And then on tour. They really accepted me, almost as part of the band.’

  ‘Any groupies, Steve?’ Clare asked and laughed.

  Steve smiled. ‘I wouldn’t tell anyway, would I? But, no, they’re not really that type of band. They’ve got girlfriends anyway.’ Steve laughed. ‘Although that shouldn’t stop real musicians, it seemed to stop them. Unfortunately for me.’

  ‘And Euan?’ Clare asked, interestedly.

  ‘I don’t know how he does it. Do you?’ Steve asked, not registering her interest.

  ‘Does what?’ she asked.

  ‘You were in love with him, so you should know what he does to women,’ Steve said.

  Clare just smiled, she wasn’t going to answer that question.

  There was a long silence.

  ‘Yet another woman in love with him. I don’t know how he does it,’ Steve said.

  ‘Another woman?’ Clare asked.

  ‘Yeah, their manager lady. It was so obvious.’

  ‘Obvious?’ Clare asked.

  ‘They laugh a lot. That British humour. I don’t get half of the things. And that Michael guy. He’s strange. You never know if he’s serious.’ Steve chuckled. ‘Although he can be funny sometimes. Once Euan has explained it to me. There was this time in Berlin…’

  Steve related a long anecdote about a misunderstanding caused by similar sounding words in German and English that caused the band to be an hour late for a gig. Then, Steve told how Michael related the story, hilariously in broken German and English, in his deadpan voice, to the crowd once they were on stage.

  There was another long silence after Steve finished his story. He made a move to leave.

  ‘What was the manager woman’s name?’ Clare asked, quickly.

  ‘Ah, Helen. Yeah, she was totally besotted with our mutual friend.’

  ‘And Euan?’ Clare repeated.

  ‘Not besotted, no. But he likes her. Everyone likes Helen, although they feel a little sorry for her. I don’t know why. But even I felt sorry for her, and I had no status in their band. But, yeah, the two of us hung out a lot backstage during the performances, she didn’t act strange with me at all. She’s
nice. Real nice.’ Steve paused for a moment. ‘What were you asking again?’

  ‘If Euan was in love with her?’

  ‘No. I don’t think so. Not anymore, anyway.’

  ‘Anymore?’ Clare asked.

  ‘They were a couple before he came to the States. But, not anymore. I don’t think so anyway.’ Steve laughed again. ‘He was always rushing off to find a telephone to call back here. It must have cost him a fortune.’

  Steve knew he had no chance with Clare, he wanted to join another group of her female friends.

  ‘Anyhow,’ Steve finished as he left her. ‘He’s making a flying visit in a few weeks, you can ask him yourself.’

  Chapter 22

  Euan flew into Logan airport to stay for a few days. Kate picked him up and drove them back to their home in Pocasset. Euan remarked how wonderful it felt to be back.

  ‘It’s a big house to live alone in Euan,’ she said.

  ‘Well, don’t then! Leave it. Just come Kate. Just come now, we can sort it all out later on. Money is not an issue. I’ve got enough to pay for stuff. You won’t have to worry about that.’

  ‘It’s not about money, Euan. That’s the least of problems.’

  ‘What problems?’ he asked warily.

  ‘Well,’ she wondered what she was beginning. ‘What about Helen?’

  ‘What about Helen? There’s nothing about Helen,’ he said.

  ‘That’s not what I’ve heard.’

  ‘What? From who?’

  ‘Well, from Steve, in a roundabout way.’

  ‘Steve?’

  ‘He spoke to Clare, who told Hamish.’

  ‘And Hamish told you? Don’t you think there might be a few vested interests in that chain?’

  ‘Hamish wouldn’t lie to me, Euan.’

  ‘Even to get you back?’

  ‘Would you?’ she asked.

  ‘No,’ he agreed.

  They started at each other for a moment.

  ‘So,’ she asked tentatively. ‘Are you back with Helen again?’

  ‘You don’t trust me?’

  She didn’t say anything.

  ‘Do you think,’ he said. ‘I would be hassling you all this time to come to the UK just to present you with Helen? That’s ridiculous.’

  ‘You didn’t answer though, did you,’ she said.

  ‘No,’ he said quickly. ‘There’s nothing between Helen and me. Nothing, nothing,’ he was angry and frustrated. His few days with Kate were to be a time of renewal. He wondered how a short stressful time of absence could do so much damage to a relationship.

  ‘She’s our manager,’ he added. ‘That’s it. Nothing more.’

  ‘What’s going on Kate?’ he asked when she appeared about to cry.

  ‘It’s hard Kiwi. You’ve left and gone to something. I’m just leaving.’

  ‘I thought you were going to me?’ he asked.

  ‘You know what I mean. I have no intention of just being a groupie.’

  ‘And no-one is asking you to. There will be plenty of opportunities for you. I’ll compromise, we’ll both compromise. It’ll be great Kate, I promise. Just think of the next year or two as a transition, or even a holiday. Everyone has a long break in their twenties. There’ll be lots and lots of years to work hard. This music stuff won’t last forever. It never does. It might all be over in a year or two or five.’

  ‘Then what will we do?’ she asked.

  ‘Be together,’ he said strongly.

  They had dissatisfying sex, both of them distracted.

  After a few days, Kate drove him back to Logan airport, adding to Euan’s tally of airport farewells but that one was hopeful and expectant.

  He had not raised the issue of divorce during his visit. He did so in the car from Pocasset to Boston.

  ‘Not yet,’ she replied to his query. ‘He’s teaching at MIT this summer, so I’ll have plenty of opportunities to talk to him.’

  ‘And you’re worried about Helen? Should I be worried about Hamish?’

  She concentrated on her driving for a moment.

  ‘Well,’ Euan replied. ‘I’m not worried about Hamish. I have complete confidence in you Kate.’

  They said their final farewell at the departure gate. Euan hugged Kate to him. When he let her go he said impatiently, ‘Just come over Kate. Come now.’

  Chapter 23

  Clare and Euan exchanged friendly, gossipy letters once he had returned to the UK. She had found a new boyfriend and with the renewed confidence that comes from acceptance she lost her anger with Euan. Her new boyfriend’s name was Harlow and Euan laughingly referred to him in his return letters, as ‘your motorbike’.

  Clare’s last letter, the last one that Euan read, was not vindictive although its contents was dangerous. She described the coming of winter again. She told Euan of skiing in upstate New York with Harlow. She told him of her research and her prospects for advancement. She told him of a visit from a mutual acquaintance from their University days in New Zealand. She reminisced, without regret, of their time in New Zealand as remembered by their mutual friend. She told Euan that Hamish was back and living in Woods Hole. She mentioned that he was taking a year off to write a Geology textbook. She told Euan how they often met after work for a beer to discuss his book’s progress. She told Euan that Hamish was still running. She told him Hamish continued his attempts to get her interested, and that she remained impervious to his evangelism. She told Euan that Kate was pregnant.

  Chapter 24

  Clare’s letter to Euan was successfully delivered. Kate wrote a letter that was not.

  After reading Clare’s letter, Euan immediately called Kate in Pocasset. Hamish answered the telephone.

  ‘Is Kate there?’ Euan asked. He had been silent for a long moment, after recognising the voice of his ex-friend.

  ‘Is that you Euan?’

  ‘Is she there?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Where is she?’

  ‘Gone for a walk. Down to the Landing.’

  ‘I’ll wait,’ Euan said.

  ‘She’s just left. It could be an hour or so. Wait if you want, I don’t care.’

  ‘What are you doing there?’ Euan was angry and frustrated. He wanted to talk to Kate immediately.

  ‘I’m her fucking husband Euan. I’m allowed to be here.’

  Euan wanted to grill Hamish. Was he again living with Kate? Was it true that she was pregnant? But he wanted to hear the answers from her.

  ‘Will you get her to call me?’ Euan asked.

  ‘You want me to take a message? Are you for real?’

  Euan was silent for a long time.

  ‘I’m going to hang-up now Euan,’ Hamish said after there had been silence on the line for long enough.

  ‘Please?’ Euan pleaded.

  ‘Please what?’

  ‘Will you tell her I called?’

  Hamish waited before he answered.

  ‘I’ll tell her,’ Hamish said reluctantly.

  ‘Do you promise?’

  ‘That’s a bit rich, mate. Coming from you. But, yeah, I said I’ll tell her and I will. Goodbye.’

  Kate had walked to Barlow’s Landing. She had stood on the end with her toes over the edge, just like Euan had done on their first evening in their Pocasset home. It had almost been a year. She had then walked a distance along the road skirting the coast, trying to remember Euan’s description of his runs along that road.

  She was away for over two hours. When she returned Hamish was waiting for her.

  ‘You’re still here?’ she asked, stating the obvious.

  ‘I thought I’d wait until you got back safely. It’s getting cold out there. Another thirty minutes and I would have come looking for you.’

  ‘I can look after myself Hamish,’ she said.

  ‘Can you?’ Hamish asked. ‘Walking for two hours in the cold is asking a bit much, at the moment.’

  ‘I’ll be fine. I feel fine,’ she said.

  ‘Euan called
.’

  ‘When?’

  ‘Just after you left.’

  ‘Why didn’t you come and get me?’

  ‘Like I said to him, I’m not a messenger.’

  ‘What did he want?’

  ‘To talk to you.’

  ‘Did you talk to him?’

  ‘No. Not really. You haven’t told him have you?’

  ‘No. But I will now,’ she said.

  When Hamish made no movement, she added, ‘I’ll be OK, Hamish. You can go.’

  She walked him to the front door. Once he had his coat on and had opened the door to leave she said to him, ‘Thanks for looking after me.’

  He smiled and left.

  Kate went upstairs to her bedroom and watched out the window as Hamish’s car backed out of the driveway and then headed down Barlow’s Landing Road. She dialled the international number for where Michael lived. She knew Euan was staying there.

  Helen answered the telephone. When Kate asked for Euan, Helen knew immediately who it was. She considered her response. Something foreign, something dangerous and capricious took control of her. She had a flash of insight that she had the power to pursue an altered future for herself and Euan. It would only require the simple use of words. Words are easy, she thought. People can choose to respond to them or not. It’s not the fault of the words. Her face hardened as evidence of her determination.

  ‘I have to talk to Euan,’ Kate said.

  ‘He doesn’t need to talk to you,’ Helen said.

  Kate was surprised at that response and then realised who was talking.

  ‘Is that Helen?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘I have to talk to him. It’s urgent Helen.’

  Helen thought for a moment, then made a decision without believing she had.

  ‘We’re back together again. I don’t think he wants to talk to you. He’s had enough of waiting,’ Helen said.

  ‘I don’t believe that.’

  ‘That’s up to you. Believe it or not. It makes no difference to us.’

  Kate considered a more reasoned approach.

  ‘I’m pregnant. I need to talk to him,’ she appealed to Helen.