Hamish and Kate Page 14

  ‘Kate?’ Hamish enquired quietly.

  She lowered her head and said nothing. She knew that Hamish understood.

  Hamish glared at Euan, his anger rising again, but he turned and left. It was the last time he saw Euan, in person.

  Euan moved out of his small home and, with Kate, into a large, ramshackle, two-storey, weather-board house in Pocasset. Hamish, in a noble feat of self-sacrifice and an intelligent implementation of a Euan-like plan of renewal, left Woods Hole to work at a University in Texas.

  Clare was distraught but it was a feeling she was used to with Euan. She had loved and lost him so many times she could count them.

  Chapter 12

  On their first night in the new home Euan and Kate went for a walk. It was bitterly cold, colder than Euan had ever experienced. They walked, gloved hand in gloved hand, the short distance to the end of the street, to Barlow’s Landing. It was deserted. The bay was frozen over, they could have been in the Arctic. Euan thought he was. He stamped his feet and huddled into his clothes. All the same, he wanted to be nowhere else.

  A bare light pooled at the end of the Landing. The ice sheet was eerily alight as if the colour white was light itself. Their breaths hung in the windless air. There was no sound except for the occasional crack from shifting ice.

  ‘Come on,’ Kate said enthusiastically.

  They walked to the end of the Landing and Euan stood with the ends of his shoes hanging over the edge, pretending his action was perilous.

  ‘Let’s go out,’ Kate said and walked down a few steps to stand on the ice.

  ‘Are you crazy?’ Euan said, he was horrified. ‘If you fell through you’d die in seconds.’

  Kate laughed and jumped up and down. ‘It’s fine, Euan. It really is.’

  Euan was unconvinced and made no movement to join her.

  ‘Come on, Kiwi,’ she summoned him with a wave of her hand. ‘I’ve lived here all my life. It’s perfectly OK.’

  Euan had no choice but to follow her. He crept down the steps, invisible ice again on his mind, then stepped out onto the frozen ocean. He brushed and scrapped away snow and peered in the dim light to gauge the strength of the ice. It did not look thick enough to him.

  He walked, slid and skated after Kate until they halted a fair distance from shore. It was stunningly beautiful like they were boat-less but coming in to berth on a perfectly still white ocean. It was a view Euan did not associate with walking and standing.

  ‘You’re still not worried, are you?’ Kate said as she took his hand.

  Euan grimaced. ‘They’ll find our bodies perfectly preserved in the thaw, won’t they?

  Kate laughed.

  'I used to have this daydream,' Euan said after there had been a long, but comfortable, silence. He felt the need to add something intimate to that moment.

  'A sort of wish, I guess, as a child. No, if I'm honest I still have it now. Well, not right now, of course.' He smiled at Kate, he had difficulty being concise. 'Although it's not as intense or as often. Not since I've grown up.' He thought for a moment. 'Grown-up, that's an interesting concept. Anyway, when I was being driven through the countryside, my family did that often on weekends, when I was a kid, I'd look out over farmland to hillside valleys covered with trees. Ones that were impenetrable and mysterious. I'd daydream about living in there on my own and fending for myself.' He thought Kate was going to say something.

  'No, I'm not weird.' He laughed. 'Not that weird anyway. I know! Cold, insects, hunger. As we drove past each place like that, I remember feeling sad that I would never see it again. As if I was nostalgic as I watched the place disappear, after seeing it for the first time.'

  ‘I don't think you're weird,’ Kate said. 'Sounds pretty mild, really.'

  ‘Out here, on our own, it's like we’ve both escaped. That, finally, no-one can find us,’ he said. After a moments silence he continued when Kate said nothing. ‘I remember writing a story when I was young, maybe even before I was a teenager, I can’t remember, about waking up and being the only person on earth. I wrote pages of simple description about wandering through a normal city but there were no people. I ended the story sitting on a beach, totally alone. Forever. It was a great story. It's much better now,’ he laughed, ‘because I lost it years ago. I'd be disappointed if I ever found it again.' Kate's face was dimly lit, with no shadows. 'I kept it hidden and never showed it to anyone. I never wrote anything else, I just kept editing it, changing it. That was the only story I wanted to tell. I only had one story.' He forgot where he was for a second.

  He turned to Kate, a little embarrassed. 'I've never told anyone that before.'

  'Well, I'm glad I was the one you shared it with.' Kate kissed the end of his nose. That's all she did. She accepted that moment, his inconsequential although intimate confession, as if it was a gift.

  They walked back over the ice. Euan slipped often, like an infant that needed all its concentration merely to stand and move. Kate watched him like he was a performance. When they had climbed back up onto the Landing and once again gazed across the bay Euan felt he had accomplished something substantial by returning to where he had started, like after a long journey. Kate began walking slowly back to their new home. Euan followed.

  Chapter 13

  Each morning, in their upstairs bedroom, Euan would wake before dawn and lie in bed trying to work out what sort of day lay before him. He would listen to tell-tale signals from outside, maybe a snow-plow going along the street, the sounds of cars starting, a voice, even complete silence was a signal. A signal of a dangerous weather day that forced humans indoors.

  As their bedroom filled with pre-dawn light Euan would watch the tops of the bare trees become solid. He would register the objects in the room growing out of fuzzy shadows. Kate, asleep next to him, would be created anew each morning out of the darkness. Euan would stare at the ceiling and burn the patterns of cracks and shadows into his memory, giving form to his euphoria.

  The day unfolded from a tight sleep, just like normal, just like it did every day. Houses were homes and in that street, that town, that state, they contained people lying like he was, slowly waking before a new day of work. Euan’s world was unique and repeated.

  The first thing he did on those winter mornings, when it was time to get up, even before he dressed, was to rush to the window and check the thermometer attached to the outside wall. Most mornings he would shake his head in wonderment at the reading.

  ‘It’s not even zero, Kate,’ he would say to her. ‘And that’s Fahrenheit,’ he would add as if they lived in New Zealand.

  She smiled. It was a similar refrain from him each morning.

  ‘And you’d be dead in minutes if you walked outside like that,’ she said. He was naked.

  ‘How can people live in a place like this? It’s so cold. All the time.’

  ‘Well,’ Kate answered as if he had asked a genuine question. ‘I live here. You live here.’ She stopped for a moment. ‘You run in this weather, Euan. How can you complain?’

  Euan smiled at her. ‘I’m not complaining. It’s wonderful. It’s amazing. The survivability of the human spirit.’ He laughed at his nonsense.

  Kate kept watching him. It was an affectionate look but it worried Euan.

  ‘What?’ he asked. ‘OK. I’ll get dressed,’ he said, thinking she disapproved of his naked display at the window.

  ‘No, it’s not that,’ she said. ‘It’s just that you get so much enjoyment from the simplest things, don’t you.’

  ‘There’s a lot more of those,’ Euan said.

  Kate smiled. ‘I guess.’

  Euan went back to marveling at the thermometer, as if the reading may rise or fall as he watched.

  ‘Euan?’ Kate asked quietly.

  ‘Yeah?’ He did not turn around.

  ‘I should take you to meet my parents,’ she said.

  ‘Is that a wise thing?’ he asked. He turned back to her.

  ‘Probably not,’ she said. ‘
But, this is for real. This is forever, isn’t it?’

  Euan smiled. ‘No, not forever. Just as long as we’re alive.’

  ‘Are you OK with meeting them? It may not be easy.’

  ‘I’d love to meet your parents,’ Euan said and smiled broadly as he spread his arms. He was still naked.

  ‘Well, not like that perhaps,’ Kate said.

  Chapter 14

  Two weekends later, Kate drove them to suburban New Jersey, where her parents lived and her father commuted to work in New York City.

  When they arrived on Saturday it was late afternoon and was beginning to snow heavily. Euan was instantly reminded of his Christmas visit to Helen’s parents. The memory worried him, he had not told Kate about Helen.

  Euan kicked at the snow as he got out of the car and was relieved the snow’s consistency was markedly different from Norfolk. He had enough to worry about without errant memories. He was nervous about the coming evening. Kate’s parents would be antagonistic and they had justification. Euan had stolen their daughter from her husband.

  When Kate and Euan approached the front door it was opened from the inside by Kate’s mother.

  After their greeting and the front door had been closed, Kate asked where her father was.

  ‘He’s not here,’ Kate’s mother said. She glanced at Euan as if the father’s absence was his fault.

  ‘Where is he?’ Kate asked.

  ‘He’s on plow duty, early in the morning. He’s over at the station checking things are OK.’

  ‘What’s that mean?’ Euan asked. Kate answered after her mother remained silent.

  ‘Dad’s a volunteer for this area. They have a roster to clear the back streets after a fall and, I guess,’ Kate glanced at her mother who nodded, ‘he’s on duty tomorrow.’

  ‘Could I go with him?’ Euan asked enthusiastically. ‘Maybe sit next to him?’ Snow was still intrinsically strange to him.

  ‘Maybe,’ Kate’s mother prevaricated. ‘You’ll have to go early. Before dawn,’ she said thinking only of negatives.

  ‘That’s no problem. I’m up early anyway.’

  ‘Perhaps,’ she said slowly, warming to the young man. ‘Don’t you have snow-plows in New Zealand?’

  Euan laughed. ‘We don’t even have snow,’ he said emphatically. ‘Well, only in the mountains. Well,’ he thought of many exceptions, but finished with, ‘and in the South Island.’

  Kate’s mother was not quite sure if Euan was serious or not. She turned to Kate.

  ‘I can’t remember the last time you went out with your father. When was it? Do you remember dear?’

  ‘I think I was about ten. A long time ago,’ Kate said and smiled.

  Both women stared at Euan. He looked grownup but then, Kate’s mother thought, looks can be deceptive.

  Kate and Euan were led to separate bedrooms. Kate complained but the arrangement was not changed.

  They waited for an hour but Kate’s father had not returned. The light was fading and the snow had stopped falling. Kate decided to take Euan for a walk. She encouraged the old family labrador to accompany them.

  ‘I was in love with someone before you,’ Euan said. They were walking down a nearby country lane. There were no car tracks in the snow and the street lights were on.

  She hooked her arm through his, drawing them together as they walked. ‘I know that, Kiwi,’ she laughed. ‘I was there remember. Actually, I was the one who brought you and Clare together.’

  ‘Yeah, I know that. But, it wasn’t Clare. There was this woman in London.’

  ‘Oh,’ Kate said quietly. She waited for Euan to say more but he was at a momentary loss how to continue

  ‘Do you miss her?’ she asked.

  ‘A bit.’ He felt Kate stiffen. ‘I think when you’ve been in love with someone you always miss them. At least the person they were, when they were with you.’

  ‘What was her name?’

  ‘Helen.’

  ‘Was she nice?’

  Euan laughed. ‘Of course. Do you think I could be in love with someone who isn’t nice?’

  Kate did not laugh, but he felt her relax a little through the lessened pressure on his arm.

  ‘Do you feel like that with me?’ Kate asked.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Well, you were in love with me in New Zealand. You said that. And that was before Helen.’

  ‘I don’t understand.’

  ‘Well, you were in love with me. Then presumably, out of love with me and in love with Helen. Then, maybe Clare again. So, do you miss the old me? Is that who you’re in love with? The New Zealand Kate, not the American Kate.’

  Euan withdrew his arm from Kate’s and put it around her shoulder. He pulled her tightly to him although they continued slowly walking. The dog sauntered along on the other side of the narrow lane, finding many smells to investigate as he wandered to and fro, back and forth but overall traveling in the same direction and speed as the two human companions.

  ‘Both. I love all and everyone of the Kates I’ve known and will know.’

  They walked on in silence for a moment.

  ‘And,’ Euan continued. ‘I wasn’t in love with Clare again.’

  Kate sighed and Euan knew she all but said ‘poor Clare’.

  ‘She’s not too keen on you,’ Euan said.

  ‘I know, Euan. It’s disappointing. Did she talk about me when you were together?’

  ‘Not really,’ Euan said. ‘And I didn’t promote that conversation.’

  Kate smiled. ‘No I guess not. She blamed me for losing you. While we were in New Zealand.’

  ‘Yet,’ Euan said. ‘She never told Hamish.’

  ‘Yes, there’s that,’ Kate said.

  The old dog slowed. It lost interest in exploring, it plodded in a straight line, head down. The walk became a trudge, a thing to be endured before reaching the warmth and familiarity of home and a place to rest. Euan and Kate slowed their pace to match. The last mile to Kate’s parents home took them ages.

  ‘Where the hell have you been?’ Kate’s father greeted them angrily as the dog dragged itself up the driveway. ‘The dog is too old to be out in this weather. Jesus, Kate. Do you think of anyone but yourself?’

  Her father fussed over the dog. He struggled and picked it up and muttered as he carried it around the back, he let it into the kitchen and placed it on its warm, familiar dog-bed. He refreshed its water bowl and held it next to the dog so it could drink. It lapped a few times and then peered plaintively at Kate’s father as if he was to be disappointed with the dog’s lack of thirst.

  Euan and Kate had followed the dog and its carrier and stood inside the back door watching the over zealous attention. They felt like errant teenagers caught after especially onerous behavior. Euan had not felt like that for more years than he could remember. It was an unpleasant feeling in an adult.

  Kate’s father ran out of things to do for the dog. He glowered at Euan as if he was thinking up something especially nasty to say.

  ‘Oh, there you are.’ Kate’s mother entered the kitchen. ‘Dinner’s been ready for a little while. Why don’t you go and wash up?’

  ‘Thanks mum,’ Kate said and dragged Euan away.

  In the bathroom, as they washed their hands, she said, ‘I’m sorry about my father, Euan.’

  ‘No problems.’

  ‘I mean, that wasn’t about the dog. You know that, don’t you?’

  ‘I guessed as much,’ Euan said.

  ‘Dad really liked Hamish.’

  ‘What’s not to like?’ Euan said flippantly, but regretted his outburst immediately. It would be a difficult evening and Sunday morning before they could return home.

  ‘I knew it would be difficult,’ Kate said. ‘But, I love my parents and I wanted them to meet the man I love.’

  They ate dinner together. It was a tense time but Euan made an effort. He was mostly silent but when he did engage in conversation he was enthusiastic and entertaining. Kate’s f
ather’s antagonism lessened and he even smiled once, over dessert, when Euan told an amusing anecdote involving Kate in New Zealand.

  They sat down, as a group, in front of the television. It was an easy communal activity that could swallow silences. Kate’s father had control over the remote and he surfed to a nature documentary that appeared promising. They watched in silence for sometime until there was an especially poignant moment, enhanced by the sound track. It had a deep emotional impact on Kate’s mother.

  Euan noticed tears in Kate’s mother’s eyes. He glanced at Kate who had also noticed.

  ‘Mum?’ Kate asked, once the musical moment had finished.

  ‘Yes, dear.’

  ‘That music is wonderful, don’t you think?’ Kate said.

  ‘Oh, yes,’ her mother replied emphatically. ‘You hear it in lots of places, don’t you? But each time I hear it, even after so many times, it gives me this wonderful feeling. Do you like it, Kate?’

  ‘Yes,’ Kate said slowly. ‘I think it’s wonderful too. Do you know what it’s called? Where it came from?’ Kate asked.

  ‘No, do you?’ her mother asked.

  ‘Yes,’ Kate said. ‘It’s called Clare’s song. And,’ she paused for a moment. ‘And Euan wrote that music, Mum.’

  Her mother turned to the young man sitting on the couch next to her daughter, ‘Our Euan?’

  Euan nodded and smiled diffidently.

  ‘Oh,’ was all her mother said but Euan saw she was deeply affected.

  Chapter 15

  Euan rose well before dawn the next morning. He was dressed and waiting by the front door when Kate’s father attempted to leave for his pre-dawn snow-plow duty.

  ‘Good morning,’ Kate’s father said tersely, not only from antagonism but also the early hour.

  ‘Can I come with you?’ Euan asked.